What are “Poverty Orphans”?

inspiration, Resources,

Poverty Orphans

In 2011-2012 there was severe famine in the Horn of Africa. Every evening the news would show more pictures of people suffering and migrating in hopes of finding provision. One particular evening I saw something that moved me to tears and has stuck with me ever since. After the crowd moved down the road, a tiny baby remained. The news reporter explained that the parents may have died and no one wanted to take on a baby, or the child may have been abandoned by parents who had nothing to give the baby but didn’t want to watch him die. Doesn’t that break your heart? If the parents survived, they must be living with guilt over that choice. And what became of the child? Did the news crew film him and then pick him up? They undoubtedly had water and food. Honestly, when I think about that I get upset at the news crew way more than the parents. The news crew had resources. I hope they did the right thing.

That was my first encounter with the truth of poverty orphans. Poverty Orphans are defined as children surrendered or abandoned as orphans but who actually have one or both parents living. They are given up because their parents can’t feed them and they believe that it will be best for their kid(s) to go to orphanages, churches, hospitals, or maybe even new families where there will be food to eat and safe water to drink. Other poverty orphans are surrendered because they require expensive medical treatments or have special needs, and desperate parents truly feel that they have no other option than to give their child to an organization that can care for him or her. Giving away a child and never finding out what happened to them is the most crazy desperate thing I can imagine. It’s horrifying that these parents truly have no other options. If they don’t surrender their children, they watch them die. It’s that simple and that ugly.

There are no accurate statistics on the number of “orphans” who actually have parents. A large number of the abandoned kids are too young or too sick to tell anyone if they have parents. Often a surrendering parent will tell the organization that they are an aunt, uncle, or neighbor and that the parents are dead with no one to take the kids.

I know this is a heavy topic, and I have promised over and over that Food Shelf Friday is not about guilt and sadness, but hope and resources. So here’s the good news: a number of charitable organizations have been developed to reduce the incidence of poverty orphanage. Their goal is to reach families in crisis before it becomes so desperate that they give their children away. These organizations employ local people at a fair wage, provide micro finance loans so the parents can start their own businesses, provide relief for children in the form of food distribution, or provide medical services so the parents don’t have to make that desperate choice.

I personally struggle to balance my budget with my social and environmental concerns. It seems that if something is fair trade, then it’s out of my budget. If I find something affordable, it’s tested on animals. My consumer habits are a big tangled mess of concerns that often conflict. I find it can be really overwhelming, but my friend Heidi reminded me of two quotes: First, “Do the next right thing.” (Michael Hyatt) And second, “Do the best you can until you know better. And when you know better, do better.” (Maya Angelou)

So I decided to take some baby steps:
– My chocolate and coffee choices are fair trade. I’ll be eating less chocolate because the fair trade-grown chocolate is expensive, but the coffee is not. We’re Keurig users, and the fair trade cups are the same price as the others. So that’s an easy step to take. If you’re brewing grounds you may have to spend more for fair trade.
– After seeing a video in class about birth defects and working conditions for banana growers, I reduced our banana consumption so we could switch to organic bananas. My “right” to something should not trump another’s right to be safe.
– I get a monthly subscription box from Fair Trade Friday and purchase things from Noonday Collection so that I can give gifts I feel good about. I may have to give less to stay in my budget, but it’s worth it. We can pare down our luxuries to provide others with necessities.

I know I have a long way to go and an abundance of things I could be doing better. I’ll get there. But this is my “next right thing” and as I learn more about global systems, I’ll do better. No parent should be so desperate that they have to give their child away. I want to be part of the solution.

How about you? What is your “next right thing?” What businesses or non-profits do you support for their efforts to keep families together and fed? Share in the comments so we can all “do better.”

Hope is Coming: Convoy of Hope Minneapolis

inspiration, Ministry, Resources, Service Projects

Hope is Coming

I’m running a little behind this week. My husband is on vacation, so while my days are filled with the usual work, we’ve also been working on home improvement projects like refinishing the deck, and entertainment like movies and baseball games. It’s exhausting. As much as I have loved having S around more, I just wish we could have been on vacation at the same time.

One of the things that has been keeping me on my toes is the upcoming Convoy of Hope rally here in the Twin Cities. I’m serving on the organizing team as the lead for children’s shoes. Donations have been rolling in, the planning and red tape are going well, and it’s going to be a great event. So for today’s post I thought I would tell you all about Convoy of Hope as an organization and the upcoming rally here in Minneapolis-St. Paul.

Convoy is a faith-based non-profit organization that provides disaster and poverty relief around the world. They are probably best known for the truckloads of supplies they deliver after natural disasters. They also have feeding programs in eleven countries, and dozens of domestic rallies every year that provide immediate physical relief to people in poverty.

Convoy of Hope has an excellent reputation, with a four-star rating from Charity Navigator. They scored 100% in transparency and accountability. They have developed partnerships with churches around the world as well as major corporate partners.

The Twin Cities rally is coming up on Saturday, August 1, at Spring Lake Park High School. Gates open at 10:00 am. Every adult (up to 10,000 people) will receive a ticket that they can redeem for a free bag of groceries as they leave, and a free lunch will be served to everyone. During the event there will be tents where different local organizations will be providing health screenings, pregnancy tests and ultrasounds, job services, and community services. We’re giving away shoes (provided by Toms) for women and children. We’ll be taking family pictures. There is a DJ coming, and a whole kids’ zone filled with games and inflatables. The entire event is free.

Convoy, the local organizing team, and the volunteers who are giving their day to this event hope that the rally brings an infusion of hope and alleviates some of the immediate physical needs of people in our community.

-If you are in need, all you need to do is show up. No one will ask you to apply or qualify for the event. If you have needs, come have them met. Free of charge, and free of judgment. You are our guest of honor.

-If you can spare a few hours to help out that day, we NEED you! My tent, children’s shoes, needs 125 volunteers to organize the inventory, measure little feet, and run shoes to their new owners. Volunteers will be given a free t-shirt and lunch. All volunteers need to be ten or older. Volunteers between 10 and 13 need to be working alongside a parent or guardian. Volunteers between 14 and 18 will need a waiver signed by their parent or guardian. Volunteers over 18 can sign their own waivers J There is a volunteer rally on Friday night at Emmanuel Christian Center (7777 University Ave in Spring Lake Park) where the volunteers will get their shirts and all the details about logistics. If you want to volunteer, all you have to do is come to the rally on Friday and sign up. If you want to be guaranteed that you will be working in the cool tent (kids’ shoes!), let me know and I can get you signed up for my team.

If you don’t live in the Twin Cities area, you can still help out! We need prayer warriors to join us in begging God for good weather. There is no backup rain date, the show goes on as long as the weather isn’t actually unsafe. Pray also that people who need this boost would hear about the event and be able to attend. And if you can’t be here but you want to physically contribute, the kids’ shoes tent needs a few more supplies for the event. Contact me by July 15 and I’ll get you a link to the supplies we need. Convoy is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization, so if you do make a financial contribution to the event, it’s tax-deductible.

I am really excited to be a part of this rally. When I was a kid my family went through some lean times. I didn’t get new shoes for back to school. I was lucky if I got them when my old shoes wore out! I remember when I was in 5th or 6th grade, the sole separated from my shoe. As I walked down the hall it went flap. flap. flap. My mom tried several times to repair it with rubber cement, but it just kept flapping. I made light of it; that’s just what I did. But inside, I was embarrassed. I believed that I wasn’t as cool (and dare I say even as valuable) as the other kids because my clothes were off-brand and hand-me-down, my shoes were in terrible shape, and I never got the fancy new school supplies other kids had. I cannot tell you how I coveted the big box of Crayola crayons with the sharpener in the back. God and my parents saw to it that I had my needs met – we never went hungry – but I know how it feels to feel like less. I’m excited to put new shoes on hundreds of kids before they go back to school this fall!

A few links for you:
Convoy’s site about the Minneapolis event, including a video about volunteering.
The Facebook Event page for the Minneapolis rally
Charity Navigator‘s review of Convoy of Hope

Edited to add:
It occurred to me during my thinking time/commute that I should tell you the rest of the story about my flapping shoe. I was in 5th grade at the time, and my little sisters were 7 and 4. We had been living in a small town for about a year, where my dad was the pastor at his very first church. The church wasn’t doing super well financially, so we weren’t either. On top of that dad had his brand new bible college (read: private university tuition) student loans to pay for. Our needs were met, but that was pretty much it.

So I was in 5th grade, wearing a cheap pair of shoes that I was undoubtedly hard on. I was one of those active, forgetful kids who was hard on things. I remember being surprised that the sole of my shoe was letting go so soon after we bought them. I knew my mom would be upset, but I also remember picking at it, because 11 year olds are neither wise nor terribly smart… So as I mentioned above, the sole of my shoe was hanging on by a thread, and everywhere I went it made a slapping flapping sound. I played it off as a joke. I made it flap loudly on purpose. It’s a shell game, a defense mechanism that kids use. If I make my embarrassing thing a joke, then you won’t judge me about it. In theory.

But it was basketball season, which made it that much harder. I was terrible at basketball. Really, really, terrible. But I played in 5, 6, and 7th grade because that’s just what we did. I rode in the bus and sat on the bench and practiced, but that was about it. And I did that in my messed up shoe. I’m not sure why I didn’t give up basketball; the clues were all there that this was not for me, and I didn’t harbor any delusions of becoming good at it. But I had to be strong and funny and as much like everyone else as I could be.

A couple weeks into the season, my mom showed up at practice. This was the 80s, maybe 1990 at the latest. Moms did not come to sports practice. They were at home dust bustering or something. The coach whistled and waved me over to mom, who had a shoe box in her hands and an eager look on her face. “Here,” she said, “this just came in the mail.” I lifted the lid to find a pair of white high top LA Gear tennis shoes with peach and pastel green trim. To this day I don’t know if my parents ordered them from the Sears catalog or if one of my grandmas sent them, but they were my first pair of real, kind-of name brand shoes (LA Gear was cool for a short time and then faded into pop culture history with Girbaud jeans and big hair). I clearly remember how I felt – the surge of self-esteem and joy at the newly leveled playing field. Am I dramatizing? A bit; it’s hard to make words that describe that fleeting lift. The shoes didn’t make me good at basketball (they weren’t magic). But they gave me a boost up from “mockable” to “normal.”

As an adult I regret that it mattered that much to me. I know that my true worth is not based on brands or fads, and I abused, wore out, and outgrew the new shoes too. I’m sorry that my goal in life was to blend in and be normal. But for kids, especially those in the tween/teen phase, “normal” and blending in really matter. Perhaps you’ll be happy to know that my son doesn’t get new shoes for back to school just because it’s fall. He gets them when he wears out or outgrows his current pair. I did get him new crayons every fall during elementary school, but it was the typical 24 pack, not the mega box with the sharpener. As Mary Poppins said, “Enough is as good as a feast,” and perhaps because I remember, I am satisfied to provide J with “enough.”

Making Money and Cutting Clutter With a Garage Sale

Fundraiser

Garage Sale

Today, I‘m bringing you something a little different – something I know from over a decade of personal experience – how to make money with a garage sale. Every June my mom, sister, and I get together for a weekend of chatting, playing with the kids, and good eating. And while we’re at it we make a couple hundred dollars (exactly how much varies depending on what we have to sell). If you’re looking for a way to raise money for your local food bank or another non-profit, or if you just need to make some extra money for your family, a garage sale is a great way to do that.

You will need:

  • Somewhere visible to hold the sale (covered is best, rain happens)
  • A bunch of stuff you no longer want
  • Pricing stickers or masking tape
  • Bags – we keep plastic shopping bags all year for our sale.
  • Signs for your yard and the intersection(s) leading to your home
  • A cash box with an assortment of change (We usually start with $100 in ones, fives, and quarters)
  • Tables, hanging racks, and hangers
  • Printed signs that inform your shoppers about your house rules. If you’re holding the garage sale for charity, post that too. People might decide to get something they were waffling on or not to haggle if they know the money is going to help others.

If your community does a coordinated garage sale weekend, join up. That will be the biggest thing you can do to increase your traffic and sales. Otherwise, find out the usual garage sale days in your area, and schedule accordingly. Here it’s usually Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  Other areas start on Wednesdays. Finding out which is usually day one is very important, because that’s the day local garage sale aficionados go out.

Once you pick a date, enlist others to join you. You simply cannot take care of your family (especially with little kids around) and man a busy sale by yourself, and you will need to use the bathroom, get food, or answer phone calls. Someone else will need to be there to keep an eye on your sale while you step away. And a whole weekend sitting around in the company of good friends? No brainer.

Two weeks in advance, take out a classified ad in your local paper/shopper. Include dates, times, and your address. If you have space, list big ticket items or say that you have multiple families participating.
The week of the sale, put an ad on Craigslist. Post pictures of larger/valuable items. Be aware that people may contact you ahead of time.
Be consistent with signage. The sign in your yard and the ones in your neighborhood that lead to you should all be the same colors. If I see a sign on the street corner with purple balloons, then I am going to be looking at the next corner for purple balloons. If the next sign I come to has yellow balloons, I’ll assume that’s a different sale and may wander around lost. After the sale, be a good neighbor and take your signs down right away.

Pricing is the most tedious part of hosting a garage sale. Our rule is that all prices need to end in twenty-five cent increments. So the cheapest items at our sale are 25 cents, then 50, 75, etc. This makes a huge difference because 1) you aren’t spending a lot of time pricing things just to get a dime, and 2) you don’t have to get an assortment of coins for your cash box, just quarters and bills. If someone wants to offer me ten cents for my quarter item, I usually accept that, but they have to understand that I can’t make change.

Be reasonable when pricing your stuff, but don’t short change yourself. A rule of thumb is that you should expect to get about 10% of what you paid for something, depending on condition. So if I bought a lamp years ago for $100 and it’s still working, I can ask $10 for it at my sale. If I bought a $10 lamp, I will ask $1. Of course if an item is really outdated, old technology, or no longer in good condition, the price needs to reflect that. A lot of people like to look on Ebay or Craigslist to set their prices. But you’ll have a much narrower audience. The odds that a collector looking for that exact item will walk into your garage sale are very slim. If you have valuable items with a narrow set of prospective buyers, consider a Craigslist ad or Ebay listing that will give you the wider audience you need to get top dollar.

Set house rules and post them throughout. Start with a “Not Responsible for Accidents” sign, and “Not for sale” signs for items you can’t hide. Some people drape sheets over the other items in their garage and then put the tables up against the sheets so it’s clear what is for sale and what isn’t. Decide on your policy about accepting checks, letting people try things on, and use of your restroom. These things don’t come up often, but deciding and posting your policy ahead of time will keep you from being confronted and having to be the bad guy if your answer is no.

We have a couple other rules that help our garage sale run smoothly.
– If one of us wants another’s item, she must pay for it. If it doesn’t sell by the end of the weekend, she can just have it.
– No selling underwear, bras, and lingerie. No one should buy that stuff used! We do make exception for unopened packages and nursing bras.
– Things taken to the garage sale cannot come home again. This means that when I decide to sell an item, I am certain that I am ready to part with it. It also means that at the end of our sale we box up the leftovers and make a trip to Goodwill. On rainy weekends we have ended up donating some really good stuff! Exceptions can be made of course, you may have items you want to try and sell online.

Do you have additional garage sale tips? Leave a comment!

Open Homes: Foster Care and Adoption “Part four: What can we do?”

inspiration, Open Homes Series, Service Projects,

Open Homes 4

During the month of June, I’ve been exploring the issues of foster care and adoption in a series I call Open Homes: Foster Care and Adoption. If you haven’t read the other posts, here are the links:

–Week one: What is the Need? – Statistics about foster care in America and orphans around the world.

–Week two: Meet the Panel – An introduction to the panel of foster and adoptive parents who helped with the series and a few recurring themes of their experiences.

–Week three: The Hunger Connection – Food-related issues prevalent in foster and adoption situations.

-Week four: What Can We Do?

There is a story going around the internet about a psychology professor. Discussing perseverance, the professor held up a glass of water. Everyone expected to hear the old “half full or half empty” debate. But the professor surprised them by asking instead, “How heavy is this glass of water?” Students offered their guesses. Eight ounces, ten ounces, etc. The professor then told them that the actual weight of the glass was not nearly as important as the duration of the hold. Anyone can pick up a glass of water for a few seconds; it feels virtually weightless. But after a few minutes, the glass begins to feel heavy. After a few hours it gets painful. Holding it up all day will leave you shaky and sore.

In Exodus 17, Moses experienced that. God inspired him to climb a hill overlooking a battlefield and hold up his staff. As long as he did, the Israelites were defeating the Amalekites in battle. When his hands fell, the Amalekites gained on the Israelites. This seems like an odd thing God asked of him, and my initial response is to wonder why. What did the Israelites gain from Moses standing there with his staff in the air? Maybe God was testing Moses’ obedience, or the exhaustion helped him empathize with the men who fought all day. Maybe seeing Moses on the hill with his staff in the air was inspiring for the soldiers. Maybe this story was put there for us.

Like the professor’s glass of water, Moses’ staff got heavy. His arms began to tremble. He faced a test of willpower. Did he want victory more than comfort? As long as he chose victory he had it, but comfort came with defeat. That’s deep stuff that is also true for us today. In so many areas of our lives we can choose comfort, but it comes with a terrible price. But that’s a lesson for another day. Today I want to consider what happened when Moses was at the end of his physical ability. Just when Moses thought he couldn’t hold up his arms any more, when his elbows and shoulders were giving out, Aaron and Hur arrived and held Moses’ arms. His arms were still raised, but the pain was gone and his will was strengthened; he knew it was possible to win because he didn’t have to be strong enough to do it alone.

Like Moses, foster and adoptive families face a daunting task. Even in the best of circumstances, the kids coming into their homes have faced loss and scarcity. And supporting these kids day and night is exhausting. But we can be Aaron and Hur for families around us.

1 – Pray – the transitions, the challenges, the joys, all of it needs to be covered in prayer. Prayer works, and the first thing it does is keep your heart soft and your eyes open to the needs around you. Pray for families you know who are adopting or who take in foster kids.

2 – Offer practical help – We all know that “let me know if I can help,” however sincere, doesn’t get much of a response. It’s hard to admit when you need help. Good friends don’t wait to be asked. Like Aaron and Hur they show up and pitch in. Panel member Gena said, “Reach out — help — even when it looks like a family “has it all together,” they are probably struggling in some ways.” Panel members suggested offering help around the house or babysitting.

3 – Treat the kids as kids – The stories of foster and adoptive kids really pull at your heartstrings. But they’re not the only ones facing challenges, and kids are very sensitive to inequality. Several panel members pointed out that elevating the foster or adopted child above the other kids in the family causes rifts between the kids and even encourages some negative behaviors. Treat foster and adopted kids just like anyone else their age; give them a chance to be normal.

4 – Sympathize (or empathize) – Parents of all stripes need to vent now and then. And kids of all stripes are both wonderful and challenging. Check in with your friends who foster or are in transition with an adoption. Remind them that you are praying for them, and offer (and re-offer) to pitch in. Even if they don’t take you up on it, they will know that you are thinking of them and that you are aware of the challenges they’re facing. If Moses had refused Aaron and Hur’s attempt to hold up his arms, I imagine they would have stayed nearby in solidarity and continued to offer their help until he accepted.

5 – Material support – Some of the families in the panel have had sudden placements. Foster kids often arrive with nothing but a paper grocery bag of dirty clothes. Taking in a kid who comes with nothing is expensive and daunting. A surprise Target gift card lifts burdens and spirits. Ask what the kids need. I’ve seen friends give luggage, school supplies, bedding, clothing (new and gently used), baby equipment, groceries/meals, toys/games, and even salon services to bless kids and their foster families. If a friend is adopting, throw a “big kid baby shower” or participate in adoption fundraisers. International adoption in particular is very expensive and it’s a huge blessing when friends donate or host fundraisers. There are tons of great fundraiser ideas online.

I hope you have learned some things this month about foster care and adoption. As always I encourage you to pray for the children without a forever family and the people who care for them. And if you have more ideas about being Aaron and Hur for foster and adoptive families, leave a comment!

Open Homes: Adoption and Foster Care – “Part 3: The Hunger Connection”

Uncategorized

Open Homes 3

During the month of June, I’ve been exploring the issues of foster care and adoption in a series I call Open Homes: Foster Care and Adoption. If you haven’t read the other posts, here are the links:
– Week one: What is the Need? – This post talks about the statistics relating to foster care in America and orphans around the world.
– Week two: Meet the Panel – In this post I introduce you to the panel of foster and adoptive parents who are lending me their expertise, and I share a few of the recurring themes of their experiences.
– Week three: The Hunger Connection

My friend Sarah has five kids. Does that sound crazy to you? If so, then it is. If not, then it’s not. Crazy is relative. I just have one kid, so five sounds like a nuthouse. But others thrive with large families. To each his own. But I digress…

Sarah and her husband built their family in the unconventional way of combining foster care that turned into adoption with the old fashioned bio kid method. The result is a big, beautiful, fun family. Recently I was talking to Sarah about this series of blog posts, and she said something really deep. Sarah told me that if a child has spent any time in the foster system, he or she has food issues. Not maybe. Certainly. It’s just a matter of which issues and how bad.

This lines up with the answers I got from the panel of foster and adoptive parents. Brenda and Kory adopted an infant and report only that he is a typical, occasionally picky kid. But parents who foster or who have adopted kids over two unanimously report issues like hiding food, sneaking food, obsessing about portion equality, and overeating.

Last week I told you that the foster and adoptive parents wish we all understood that these kids aren’t “lucky.” They suffered tremendously, and although they may have ended in a good place, they had to struggle and suffer to get there. Their struggles and suffering have long-term impacts on their physical and psychological health, and their relationship with food.

Alicia and Brian’s foster daughter, at age 6 and younger, was responsible for caring for her infant brother. She didn’t play, and she wasn’t lighthearted like a little one should be. She was responsible and worried. And because he was being raised by a kindergartener, little brother was malnourished from weak bottles and hadn’t been introduced to solids. Rachel and Jim’s adopted son had a similar experience. His birth mom didn’t or couldn’t provide him with adequate nutrition as an infant. Many kids who start out undernourished never recover. These boys’ needs are being met now, and they are recovering some of the stunted development that they faced as a result of malnutrition. And Alicia and Brian’s daughter has learned over time to let them care for her little brother; now she laughs and plays with other kids.

Older kids in the foster system or those adopted from foster care or foreign orphanages commonly have a deep fear that there will not be enough food. This causes kids to overeat, sneak food, or hide stashes of food.  Likewise, introducing healthy food to kids who are used to scrounging for junk is a challenge. Nutrition is vital in overcoming stunted physical and mental development, but the psychological scars of scarcity cause the kids to fight the very thing they should be embracing.  It takes patience and time for foster and adoptive parents to convince their kids to try unfamiliar nutritious foods, eat healthy portions, and trust that the next meal will be there for them.

International adoptions present a different challenge – culture shock. Imagine a child growing up in an Asian orphanage. His diet probably includes a lot of rice and fish. American pizza, burgers, pasta, etc. are all new and strange. America kids only love mac & cheese and chicken nuggets because it’s their normal (remember, normal and crazy are relative. I knew I could tie that in somewhere…). Kids coming from other countries have a different normal, and the adjustment to a new diet often comes with resistance and even stomach upset.

So what can we take from this? First, I hope that what I’ve shared will help us all have more patience and grace with foster and adoptive kids. They’re often picky, sneaky, and unhealthy because they don’t have the skills to overcome it. Recovering from years of malnutrition and scarcity is a long slow process. Be patient with foster and adoptive parents. We know how hard it is to get a typical American biological kid to accept healthy food, and the challenge is that much greater when the kid’s past taught him to stuff himself with junk when he can because tomorrow there might not be food. So withhold judgment and be a patient, encouraging friend. Things will get better over time and with patient, loving support and consistent provision.

As I have every week this month, I urge you to pray for the foster and orphan children around the world, and for the adults who foster and adopt them. Kids don’t deserve to be hungry or neglected, they deserve to be loved and fed and have every opportunity to grow up healthy and strong. And if you have thoughts on this topic or questions for the foster and adoption panel, leave a comment!